I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
