Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
