I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
