Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
