now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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