In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
