i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
