I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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