Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
