did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
