I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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