I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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