hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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