Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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