i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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