ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
