Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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