He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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