I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
