would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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