Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
