saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
handjob tips. give me some.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
