my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
