I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
