Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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