Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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