my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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