He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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