She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
