Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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