You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
