How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
