wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
