Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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