As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
