I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
