I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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