ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My vagina is officially offended.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
