He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
two words: eviction party
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
