im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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