I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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