this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
