You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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