Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
