I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
