Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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