Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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