Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
