Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
