dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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